An "Amanita muscaria" mushroom has given up on wooing a toad.

A hedge-fund manager reading the equities quotes while defecating a phallic fruit he had forgotten inside his anus at a wall-street meeting.

A jive-fluent fellow displaying some *fantastic* dance maneuvers.

Princess Leia from "A New Hope" declaring her hatred of celestial bodies.

A down-syndromed pseudo-pedophile acting in a hyperbolic anti-sexual-assault television ad.

A jaundiced man carrying an active explosive device who is being questioned about his potential oriental ethnicity.

A poker-faced man rejecting a sexual proposition from a slightly overweight woman.

A man named "Sam" holding a Rogue Dead-Guy-Ale while being accosted by a codependent ex-girlfriend.

A despondent, former Ku Klux Klan member declaring his undying love for Oprah.

A man who, despite his lactose intolerance, continues to order glasses of luke-warm milk out of self-pity at a local pub.

How Hallmark has parasitized the brains of young impressionable men by creating socially untenable ideals of love and romance.

A blonde child contemplating whether to use a pair of garden shears to trim his hair on a hot summer's day.