FUCK THIS IPOD LET'S MEET MR SUN

I hope when I go to sleep my dreams don't get derailed into another Spiderman thread. FUCK

Wish you were here. Actually, Rebecca, no I don't. I'm not sorry. Here's a picture of me and my cat. We have each other, since you left.

"now THAT, my friend, is a Very LOL meme!" was the last thing I texted before I started the car. The door was closed, but I could hear them.

Donatello thought drugs made him cool. He was wrong; drugs only made him think he was cool.

fucking methodists will try anything to get you in the door these days

fuck i used horse shampoo again

the future is bullshit, everything is a hologram

Breathe deeply. Relax every muscle in your body but your sphincter, and try not to think about how much you have to poop while you meditate.

Hey kid, you ever been the ass end of a cool bird before? First time for everything, right?

Chameleons are notoriously solitary creatures, owing mostly to their obsession with Catan and other awful German board games.

Well, officer, all I remember was my fucking wife yelling about Manilow tickets on the radio, and all of a sudden these birds's flyin at us