Execution by care bear stare

Killer squids rise from the ocean to reap havoc on the city

a guy was going to rob a bank with nunchucks, but he forgot to put eyeholes in his ski mask, so now he's just embarrassed

Someone got sick of a neckbeard and decided to chop his head off

Adorable bunny wants to have carrot, but carrot has little sign saying "no"

Old flatulent guy reading baldy bane complaining to his wife to go clean the grate

like that scene in the movie cars, where mcqueen pushes the guy to the finish line after he breaks down, but instead of cars they're sperm.