You are not cool enough to touch things.

A hat burglar.

a man stealing a hand while someone yells at him for doing it

A man, down on his luck and tears in his eyes, has succumbed into stealing houses from the "mom and pop" sex shop.

A man buys a prolapsed anus from Hometown Fingers.

Mario under a question mark block but he is skinny and lost his mustache. Maybe it's just luigi pretending to be mario...?

mario hitting a ? block but not being excited about it.

A stick man jumps up and rams his head into a box with a question mark on it but he does not understand why no coins or mushrooms pop out.

The drugs are starting to wear off and Mario finds out that the blocks he'd been punching apart were actually people all along.