hey baby, wanna come to my house? i got a jacuzzi and pizza bagels ;)

A pizza becomes self-aware, and upon discovering the horrors of reality, immediately tries to drown itself in the sink

my feet are freezing

Cold feet. Brrr

My boyfriend hates it when I shove my icicle feet underneath his legs for warmth while he's playing xbox.

a man plays videos games naked everyday. it's what he loves! his girlfriend is upset because he never fucks her. she opens her legs for him.

"just no"

nopenopenope

dame edna dyed her hair red and watched her deformed pet rabbit eating corn