in his most contested essay, dr. martin debated that not only did "mustard and jelly sandwhich" mean something but that it meant all things.

a novelty can opener works on extracting an explosion from a prefabricated package; the brand, "bang!," is dangerous and terribly marketed.

this is what an unmovable object looks like when confronted with its own inability to change the channel on its television. the saddest.

"snake," the snake said, "snake snake." for the snake, you see, was convinced that its vocabulary should be limited to the word that it was.

winners are important, sources say; often, though, sources do not factor in the fact that the winners are cheating fucking assholes

the world is often discovered to be less than what one appears, but this time, it seemed, it was more; enough to make one lose oneself

Juggy Brodletien engages in an emoticon-based trivia battle with the cast of popular video game Earthbound; he is winning, to their chagrin.

a ghost, with nothing left alive in its world but its beating, lonely heart, is targeted by a faceless, nameless weapon of its own making.