Germany messed up their flag.

I killed the skeleton in the closet.

My grandmother got ran over by a reindeer.

Narwals live in Lake Michigan.

I broke my leg doing something stupid.

The FBI is now run by cats.

My hair caught on fire.

I was hit by a trashcan.

I gained 40 pounds from eating bananas.

My cat wore a Donald Trump Halloween costume.

The whole world is gay.

I met Jesus at Chick-fil-a